one and only

This is another name my Dad has for me. It wasn't until recently that I realized how much I love it.

Anywho, I bought the new Adele CD a few weeks ago and Whisper promptly chewed a few holes through it, but thankfully I had already uploaded (or is it downloaded?) all the songs to my itunes library.

I heart Adele. Seriously. That girl can belt it out. I've been listening to her "One and Only" on repeat (it's very different than what my Dad means when he calls me 'one and only' in case you were curious, but I dig it just the same.

Here are some lyrics:

You've been on my mind,
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time,
Just thinking of your face,
God only knows why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go,
You're the only one that I want,

I don't know why I'm scared,
I've been here before,
Every feeling, every word,
I've imagined it all,
You'll never know if you never try,
To forgive your past and simply be mine,

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only,
Promise I'm worth it,
To hold in your arms,
So come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts,

***
Good stuff, no?

Here's a bit of randomness for you...
Tonight's fortune cookie (I bought a bag in Chicago's Chinatown) reads:
"You are admired from afar"

What does that mean? How far is 'afar'? Is it across the room at Crossroads? Is it several states away? Is it Africa? C'mon, fortune cookie, don't leave me hanging like that.

ambitious, much?

This list thing is tougher than I thought it would be. Well, that and other things are getting in the way of life (*coughworkcough*). My birthday is just over four months away, so I better kick it into gear.

Here's the updated list, with updates in bold and/or crossed off:
1. Take a spontaneous road trip.
2. Pass the Series 7 Exam.
3. Lose 30 additional pounds.
4. Grow some of my own food. Last week I sent in my application for a CSA share. I'm so excited. My mom is also planning to garden quite a bit this summer, but since she lives an hour away it will be hard to be there every week.
5. Splurge on myself by buying something solely because I love it. I'm actually quite good at this. I am still very practical whenever I buy something though and that's what I was hoping for with this goal that I would just splurge without thinking about it much. I hosted a jewelry party last month and ended up getting a lot of gorgeous jewelry, so I'm crossing this one off the list.
6. Host a game night.
7. Learn to bake bread from scratch.
8. Take some modeling photos.
9. Go on a hike.
10. Go on a blind date.
11. Invest in creating community. Out of the blue I had this great little idea of hosting a monthly dinner at my house for friends, family, etc. to come together. Not everyone has to know everyone, but I wanted to have a time to build community. So, on a whim I did it. There were only four of us for dinner, but I had a great time hanging out and am looking forward to the next dinner. I also have been a part of a group that meets to learn more about poverty and we're planning to continue our journey. And I meet with two other women at least once a month for a small group (they're lovely). When I wrote this one down I said that it is ongoing and it is, but I know it's something I try to do so I'm crossing this one off.
12. Put pen to paper and express my love for someone. Mail the letter.
13. Be kind to someone that has caused me pain.
14. Grow in my forgiveness of x.
15. Take my nieces and nephew somewhere fun. I can't wait to cross this one off the list! Well, technically I could go ahead and cross it off b/c I took one of my nieces and my nephew to the park last week.
16. Commit to reading my Bible often.
17. Volunteer with an organization that I care about.
18. Create tree painting for my living room.
19. Take a dance class.
20. Cook an entire "from scratch" dinner.
21. Train Whisper. Oy. Yes, I'm crossing it off. He's not completely trained and I think this will be an ongoing thing for quite awhile, but he did "earn" his Beginner class certificate from training last week. I have a really cute picture I'll share later.
22. Blog at least once a month. I'm on track to make this one happen!
23. Enjoy the sunrise over the Ohio, or somewhere more glamorous.
24. Travel somewhere new.
25. Jog a mile. I have fallen off the proverbial wagon...time to jump back on.
26. Finish CD gift for my brothers that I started a long time ago.
27. Use the envelope system again. I'll wait until I'm at least two months in before I cross this one off, but I have started using the envelopes again.
28. Change the Game. Live it. Some days are better than others, but it's small steps in the right direction.
29. Get a tattoo. Maybe. I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to pain.
30. Celebrate my 30th birthday. Enjoy it. Live it out. Oh my gosh I'm so excited about my birthday party plans. I think it's going to be a blast. Details to come!

So, that's the update. Three crossed off, 6 in progress and a whole bunch more to start. I'll check back in later.

The whole "no facebook" thing is extremely difficult. I'm not doing so hot on that. I think there are some things in my life that I'm avoiding dealing with and spending a bunch of time online or doing other meaningless things helps me avoid them. *sigh* Guess I better try to figure out what those things are, huh? Sometimes being an adult kind of sucks. Sometimes it's fantastic! (like today when I ate a handful of chips with my PB&J whole wheat english muffin and no one could stop me.) ahem.

Day 1: Reflection

This is the time of night where I typically waste time on facebook catching up on every status that I missed throughout the day. Instead, I'm sitting here after a very long and emotionally draining day of work and then a lovely dinner with good people that I like a lot so a great end to this day.

This day was a whirlwind, another day of "hanging on" at work. My friend's right; at some point it gets too tiring to keep "hanging on". I feel like that time is coming quicker than I'm ready for. If I had a way out right now, I think it wouldn't be much of a decision. It has left me wondering what is really holding me back. The easy answer is money. It isn't easy making it all work on one income with no support from anyone else. It all falls on my shoulders.

The biggest expense is of course my house. I LOVE my house and feel like it was a blessing, but I also know that if I were renting I would have more wiggle room as far as what kind of income I would require.

It's definitely something to at least consider.

With empty hands.

My Dad has a nickname for me; it's busy-bee. You see, I'm good at staying busy. Busy-ness is not the same thing as being productive, and when it comes down to it, it simply isn't healthy. It creates this unbalance in my life and it's taking its toll on me. For the last several weeks I have been running from one thing to the next and when I do have a free moment at home I'm spending my time looking at time-wasting things online (facebook or blogs, anyone?). Instead of feeling truly connected with people I'm left feeling overwhelmed.

I wonder how much of this is attributed to our non-stop American culture that says to get ahead or fit it all in you can only sleep 5.5 hours per night because you simply have too much going on in your life for anything more. When I was working two jobs working very hard to make a goal happen it was a luxury to sleep more than 6 hours a night. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Thankfully, that part of my life is behind me (hopefully forever). When I was in Africa last year it struck me that I liked being so disconnected from constant technology and was able to live more simply.

I'm being gently nudged that the time to rest has come. And, as much as I have been kicking and screaming to avoid this from happening it has come to the point where nothing sounds better than a vacation from the busy-ness of my every day life. Who wants to live with that thought?

I've been contemplating giving up facebook during Lent as a way to free up some time and let go of the hold that it has over me. Just in writing these words I've decided that my actions need to go a step further to address the actual problem instead of a symptom. I'm not entirely sure what that will look like, but I think it is time for me to release some things I've been holding onto. After all, someone once said that you can't receive anything new from God until you're holding out empty hands for God to fill them.

Here, God, are my empty hands for only you to fill.