Click, click, click.

There are a lot of amazing sites out here on the internet. Seriously. I'm kind of hooked; and in case I didn't already spill my dirty little secret I will now: I didn't do so well with following through on my lenten commitment to be online less often. I think I'm okay with that, or I'm in denial.

I thought I would share my current favorites with you. Then, I remembered that I had done this once before on my old blog. What is really bizarre is that post was exactly four years ago today. Creepy.

Anyway, here are my current top five, in no particular order:

1. Better After
I'm obsessed with this site and often do a rabbit trail to all the sites that get linked through. It's kind of ridiculous how much I love this site. I dream of being featured here. One day, my friends, one day.

2. Facebook
Facebook is like a bad habit that I just can't quit. It sucks up a whole lot of time. Time that I could be using for more productive things; instead Facebook paves the road to procrastination in my life.

3. Etsy
Oh yes. Etsy has made it on the list for the second time. And, I have to point out the fact that I was hip and in the know since I knew about Etsy four whole years ago. I'm cool like that. I share my coolness with you.

4. Craigslist
My house is filled with Craigslist finds. And, I couldn't be happier about it. I LOVE a good deal and you can find a lot of great deals on CL. Plus, I feel a little more "green" by going the whole used route. I'm sitting in my living room right now and I can count eight of the eleven pieces of furniture I have in here are from Craigslist. I would never been able to afford all new stuff when I bought my house.

5. Apartment Therapy
I won a $500 gift card from this site about a year ago, but my love started before then. The gift card was to Lowe's which is kind of hilarious because I was an orange apron girl at the time (home depot, if you didn't catch that). I got a lot of cool stuff with that $500 bucks. Anyway, Apartment Therapy has lots of great articles, tips and photos to help with decorating and other house-related things. They also have other sections of the site devoted to cooking, tech stuff, babies, etc. I used to think I wanted to be featured on their site, but people can be kind of harsh in the comment section and I'm not down with that.

It's funny that most of my favorites revolve around decorating and/or house related topics with the exception of Facebook. I've been thinking a lot about sharing more of my personal before and afters. If I could give up a little Facebook time maybe I could make that happen. Don't hold your breath, though, Facebook's like a drug. Look how many times I've said written Facebook within this little paragraph. A drug, I tell you.

Happy Clicking.

upside down and inside out

No one tells you when you're a child that being an adult isn't much fun. Well, maybe they do but you don't believe them because you know when you're an adult you get to make all the decisions the way you want.

Pizza for breakfast? Ok.
Date that jerk of a guy? Sure.
Stay up til 2am even though you have to work? Of course.
Quit your job? Absolutely.

It's not that easy when you're an adult, or at least not when you try to be a responsible, level-headed, and compassionate adult. Many mistakes have been made and while sometimes it hurts like hell, I'm hoping that by continuing to love and trust and hope for something more that I'm going to be stronger for having walked through the experience.

One thing to remember: listen to the advice of your best friend...she'll tell you when that guy is a jerk and when to stay away. And, she'll hug you and love you even if you don't listen for the fifteenth time.

Momma said...

...there'd be days like this.

Confessions of an almost 30 year old single woman:
Most of the time I enjoy my independence. I don’t have to check someone else’s schedule if I want to have an impromptu dinner with a friend or take a road trip on a whim or buy a cute pair of new shoes or eat the last of the ice cream. I have the freedom to quit my job and move to Africa right now (though, the planner side of me starts to freak out). Seriously, life is pretty good. But, I gotta be honest:

Some days are hard.

Today is one of those days for no particular reason. Or maybe there is a reason that’s been building up since the last time I let the confession reach the surface.

My checklist of the ideal mate has evolved over the last decade since I sure have learned a lot about life and about love, especially watching other couples navigate what is surely the most difficult and rewarding relationship one can have on earth.

Ultimately what it comes down to is I want someone to know me and to love me in spite of myself.

I want him to challenge me when I want to avoid the situation and run away. I want him to make me laugh as we dance through life together. I want him to hold me when things are hard and remind me that he isn’t going anywhere. I want him to give our kids piggyback rides through the house and make sand castles with them on the beach. I want him to see how hard I’m trying, how much I care. I want him to love people in an incredibly generous way with gentleness and gracefulness. I want him to build our family up in prayer knowing that Christ binds us together. I want to feel the warmth of his love. I want him to be full of integrity. I want him to seek justice and advocate for those that have no voice. I want him to know that this is a commitment, one that’s gonna involve some hard work and probably some slammed doors and tears every once in awhile. I want him to know that it’s worth it.

Oh, and I want him to kiss me. A lot.

one and only

This is another name my Dad has for me. It wasn't until recently that I realized how much I love it.

Anywho, I bought the new Adele CD a few weeks ago and Whisper promptly chewed a few holes through it, but thankfully I had already uploaded (or is it downloaded?) all the songs to my itunes library.

I heart Adele. Seriously. That girl can belt it out. I've been listening to her "One and Only" on repeat (it's very different than what my Dad means when he calls me 'one and only' in case you were curious, but I dig it just the same.

Here are some lyrics:

You've been on my mind,
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time,
Just thinking of your face,
God only knows why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go,
You're the only one that I want,

I don't know why I'm scared,
I've been here before,
Every feeling, every word,
I've imagined it all,
You'll never know if you never try,
To forgive your past and simply be mine,

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only,
Promise I'm worth it,
To hold in your arms,
So come on and give me a chance,
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile,
Until the end starts,

***
Good stuff, no?

Here's a bit of randomness for you...
Tonight's fortune cookie (I bought a bag in Chicago's Chinatown) reads:
"You are admired from afar"

What does that mean? How far is 'afar'? Is it across the room at Crossroads? Is it several states away? Is it Africa? C'mon, fortune cookie, don't leave me hanging like that.

ambitious, much?

This list thing is tougher than I thought it would be. Well, that and other things are getting in the way of life (*coughworkcough*). My birthday is just over four months away, so I better kick it into gear.

Here's the updated list, with updates in bold and/or crossed off:
1. Take a spontaneous road trip.
2. Pass the Series 7 Exam.
3. Lose 30 additional pounds.
4. Grow some of my own food. Last week I sent in my application for a CSA share. I'm so excited. My mom is also planning to garden quite a bit this summer, but since she lives an hour away it will be hard to be there every week.
5. Splurge on myself by buying something solely because I love it. I'm actually quite good at this. I am still very practical whenever I buy something though and that's what I was hoping for with this goal that I would just splurge without thinking about it much. I hosted a jewelry party last month and ended up getting a lot of gorgeous jewelry, so I'm crossing this one off the list.
6. Host a game night.
7. Learn to bake bread from scratch.
8. Take some modeling photos.
9. Go on a hike.
10. Go on a blind date.
11. Invest in creating community. Out of the blue I had this great little idea of hosting a monthly dinner at my house for friends, family, etc. to come together. Not everyone has to know everyone, but I wanted to have a time to build community. So, on a whim I did it. There were only four of us for dinner, but I had a great time hanging out and am looking forward to the next dinner. I also have been a part of a group that meets to learn more about poverty and we're planning to continue our journey. And I meet with two other women at least once a month for a small group (they're lovely). When I wrote this one down I said that it is ongoing and it is, but I know it's something I try to do so I'm crossing this one off.
12. Put pen to paper and express my love for someone. Mail the letter.
13. Be kind to someone that has caused me pain.
14. Grow in my forgiveness of x.
15. Take my nieces and nephew somewhere fun. I can't wait to cross this one off the list! Well, technically I could go ahead and cross it off b/c I took one of my nieces and my nephew to the park last week.
16. Commit to reading my Bible often.
17. Volunteer with an organization that I care about.
18. Create tree painting for my living room.
19. Take a dance class.
20. Cook an entire "from scratch" dinner.
21. Train Whisper. Oy. Yes, I'm crossing it off. He's not completely trained and I think this will be an ongoing thing for quite awhile, but he did "earn" his Beginner class certificate from training last week. I have a really cute picture I'll share later.
22. Blog at least once a month. I'm on track to make this one happen!
23. Enjoy the sunrise over the Ohio, or somewhere more glamorous.
24. Travel somewhere new.
25. Jog a mile. I have fallen off the proverbial wagon...time to jump back on.
26. Finish CD gift for my brothers that I started a long time ago.
27. Use the envelope system again. I'll wait until I'm at least two months in before I cross this one off, but I have started using the envelopes again.
28. Change the Game. Live it. Some days are better than others, but it's small steps in the right direction.
29. Get a tattoo. Maybe. I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to pain.
30. Celebrate my 30th birthday. Enjoy it. Live it out. Oh my gosh I'm so excited about my birthday party plans. I think it's going to be a blast. Details to come!

So, that's the update. Three crossed off, 6 in progress and a whole bunch more to start. I'll check back in later.

The whole "no facebook" thing is extremely difficult. I'm not doing so hot on that. I think there are some things in my life that I'm avoiding dealing with and spending a bunch of time online or doing other meaningless things helps me avoid them. *sigh* Guess I better try to figure out what those things are, huh? Sometimes being an adult kind of sucks. Sometimes it's fantastic! (like today when I ate a handful of chips with my PB&J whole wheat english muffin and no one could stop me.) ahem.

Day 1: Reflection

This is the time of night where I typically waste time on facebook catching up on every status that I missed throughout the day. Instead, I'm sitting here after a very long and emotionally draining day of work and then a lovely dinner with good people that I like a lot so a great end to this day.

This day was a whirlwind, another day of "hanging on" at work. My friend's right; at some point it gets too tiring to keep "hanging on". I feel like that time is coming quicker than I'm ready for. If I had a way out right now, I think it wouldn't be much of a decision. It has left me wondering what is really holding me back. The easy answer is money. It isn't easy making it all work on one income with no support from anyone else. It all falls on my shoulders.

The biggest expense is of course my house. I LOVE my house and feel like it was a blessing, but I also know that if I were renting I would have more wiggle room as far as what kind of income I would require.

It's definitely something to at least consider.

With empty hands.

My Dad has a nickname for me; it's busy-bee. You see, I'm good at staying busy. Busy-ness is not the same thing as being productive, and when it comes down to it, it simply isn't healthy. It creates this unbalance in my life and it's taking its toll on me. For the last several weeks I have been running from one thing to the next and when I do have a free moment at home I'm spending my time looking at time-wasting things online (facebook or blogs, anyone?). Instead of feeling truly connected with people I'm left feeling overwhelmed.

I wonder how much of this is attributed to our non-stop American culture that says to get ahead or fit it all in you can only sleep 5.5 hours per night because you simply have too much going on in your life for anything more. When I was working two jobs working very hard to make a goal happen it was a luxury to sleep more than 6 hours a night. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Thankfully, that part of my life is behind me (hopefully forever). When I was in Africa last year it struck me that I liked being so disconnected from constant technology and was able to live more simply.

I'm being gently nudged that the time to rest has come. And, as much as I have been kicking and screaming to avoid this from happening it has come to the point where nothing sounds better than a vacation from the busy-ness of my every day life. Who wants to live with that thought?

I've been contemplating giving up facebook during Lent as a way to free up some time and let go of the hold that it has over me. Just in writing these words I've decided that my actions need to go a step further to address the actual problem instead of a symptom. I'm not entirely sure what that will look like, but I think it is time for me to release some things I've been holding onto. After all, someone once said that you can't receive anything new from God until you're holding out empty hands for God to fill them.

Here, God, are my empty hands for only you to fill.